Motherhood has a way of making you take a long, hard look at yourself. One minute, you’re just trying to get your toddler to eat something other than goldfish crackers, and the next, you’re realizing you sound exactly like your mom when she used to yell, “Because I said so!”

It’s in those moments that it hits you—some of the things you swore you’d never do as a parent are creeping in. Not because you’re failing, but because we all carry patterns from our own childhoods. And some of those patterns? Yeah, they need to end with us.

Breaking generational cycles isn’t about being the perfect parent (you already know that doesn’t exist).

It’s about creating a home where your kids feel safe, seen, and supported—maybe in ways you didn’t growing up. So, let’s talk about what that looks like in real life, why it’s so hard, and how you can start making those small but powerful changes.

What Are Generational Cycles? (And Why Do They Stick Around?)

Generational cycles are patterns of behavior, beliefs, and emotional responses that get passed down—sometimes without us even realizing it. These can be big things, like how discipline is handled, or smaller things, like how your family responds to situations or emotions.

Some common cycles moms might want to break include:

• Parenting through fear instead of connection – If you grew up with “Because I said so” as the main parenting style, learning to foster trust instead of control can feel unfamiliar.

• Bottling up emotions – If you were raised to “suck it up” instead of feeling your feelings, allowing space for emotions can feel weird (and honestly, a little uncomfortable at first).

• Perfectionism and burnout – If you grew up watching your mom do everything without ever asking for help, you might struggle to let go of the idea that you have to be Supermom.

• Ignoring mental health – If therapy was something only "really struggling" people did in your family, it might feel unnatural to seek help for your own healing.

These patterns don’t just magically disappear when we become moms. Our brains default to what we know—especially in stressful moments. But the good news? You can change them.

Why Breaking Generational Cycles Feels So Hard (But Is So Worth It)

Trying to parent differently than how you were raised can feel like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the manual (if you know, you know). You’re figuring it out as you go, hoping you don’t mess it up too badly.

Here’s why this work can feel so tough:

• It’s what you know. Even if you want to do things differently, the way you were raised feels like the default setting.

• Your brain is wired for survival. A lot of these patterns were learned as ways to cope, so breaking them means rewiring those old responses.

• Pushback from family. When you start setting boundaries or parenting differently, not everyone will be on board. (Cue the unsolicited advice.)

• Unhealed wounds. Some cycles are rooted in deep emotional pain, and breaking them means facing things you may have buried for years.

But here’s the thing: every small step you take makes a difference. Your kids will experience a different childhood because of the work you’re doing now.

So… Where Do You Start?

1. Notice the Patterns 

Start paying attention to the things that trigger you. Do you find yourself yelling when you swore you wouldn’t? Do you shut down emotionally when your kids express big feelings? These moments are clues to what needs healing.

Journaling, therapy, or even just talking it out with a friend can help bring awareness to what you’re carrying from your past.

2. Challenge the Beliefs You Grew Up With

Some of the things you were taught about parenting, emotions, and relationships might need a second look. Ask yourself:

“Is this really true?”

“Do I have to parent this way, or is there another way?”

“What do I want my kids to believe about themselves and their emotions?”

Shifting these beliefs doesn’t happen overnight, but awareness is the first step.

3. Give Yourself Some Grace

Listen, you’re going to mess up. You’ll have moments where you react in ways you wish you hadn’t. We've all been there. That doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human.

When you catch yourself repeating an old pattern, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, acknowledge it, reflect on it, and try again. Parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about growth.

4. Learn to Regulate Your Own Stress Responses

A lot of these generational cycles are tied to our nervous systems. If you grew up in a stressful or emotionally neglectful environment, your brain might still be wired for fight-or-flight mode.

Things like deep breathing, mindfulness, journaling, and EMDR therapy can help rewire those stress responses, making it easier to show up differently for your kids.

5. Get Support—You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Breaking cycles is hard work, and you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. Therapy—especially EMDR and intensive sessions—can help you process the past so it doesn’t keep showing up in your present.

A New Legacy Starts With You

You don’t have to be a “perfect mom” to break generational cycles. You just have to be aware and willing to make small, intentional changes. Every time you respond with patience instead of frustration, validate your child’s emotions instead of dismissing them, or set a boundary that wasn’t modeled for you, you’re creating a different reality for your kids.

And that? That’s powerful, mama. 

If you’re ready to do this work but feel stuck, therapy can help. I specialize in EMDR therapy and therapy intensives that support moms in breaking free from old patterns and creating healthier, more fulfilling lives for themselves and their families.

Because the cycle doesn’t have to continue with you. You’re doing the hard work, and that matters more than you know. You are working hard, growing, healing, and rewriting the story for your family—one small, brave step at a time.