Motherhood—it's a beautiful, chaotic, and sometimes why-didn’t-anyone-warn-me kind of ride, right? There are those magical moments when everything feels like it’s in perfect harmony... and then there are the other times when your mind decides to go on a wild, anxiety-fueled adventure, wondering if you’re somehow messing everything up. Sound familiar?

If you’ve ever found yourself spiraling with intrusive thoughts, wondering if you’re the only one, I’m here to tell you: You’re definitely not the only one.

These thoughts are more common than you think. So let’s get real for a minute and talk about what’s going on in that busy mind of yours, and—most importantly—how to handle it without completely losing it.

What Are Intrusive Thoughts, and Why Do They Happen?

Intrusive thoughts are those sneaky little moments when your brain decides to throw random, anxiety-provoking thoughts your way. They can be about anything, but for moms, they tend to revolve around worries about parenting. They might sound like:

• “Did I just accidentally mess up my kid’s entire future by giving them too much screen time today?”

• “What if something happens to them when I’m not looking? Am I a bad mom?”

• “Did I just scar them for life by telling them ‘we’ll see’ instead of giving a clear answer?”

These thoughts can be loud and unsettling. But here’s the truth: Just because you have them doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent. It means you are a human. Every mom I know has had some form of this moment—whether it’s overthinking a parenting choice or worrying about something totally out of your control. Sometimes we spiral and feel like we are the world's worst mom and spend way too much time thinking we scarred our kids for life.

Why Do These Thoughts Keep Popping Up?

If your brain is working overtime with all the worrying, you're not alone. We juggle so many things as moms: taking care of our families, working (in the home, outside the home, homeschooling, etc.), managing the house, squeezing in a moment for self-care (maybe), and wondering if we’ll ever get to the bottom of our to-do list. No wonder our brains sometimes decide to start running “what if” scenarios!

Intrusive thoughts thrive when we’re stressed or feeling overwhelmed. They latch onto our anxieties, telling us that we’re not doing enough or that we’re messing things up. It’s a bit like that tiny, over-caffeinated gremlin in your head who thinks it’s their job to remind you of every single thing you might be doing wrong. (Spoiler alert: That gremlin is lying to you.)

But here’s the thing: No one is a perfect mom. We all have our moments of doubt and uncertainty. And that’s okay! 

The Role of EMDR Therapy in Healing from Intrusive Thoughts

If you find yourself feeling like your intrusive thoughts are taking over, it might be time to get some extra help. As an EMDR therapist (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, for the acronym lovers), I’ve seen how this therapy can be a game changer for moms dealing with anxiety and intrusive thoughts.

EMDR therapy helps rewire the brain, so instead of being stuck in those spiraling thoughts, you can process them and let them go. Think of it as hitting the “refresh” button for your mind—like when you restart your phone because it’s freezing up. It doesn’t make the thoughts go away forever, but it helps you get back to a place where you can handle them with more peace.

If you’re not in therapy right now, don’t worry—there are still some things you can do to help calm the storm of intrusive thoughts. Let’s take a look at some practical, real-world ways to manage those pesky worries.

Practical Tips for Managing Intrusive Thoughts

1. Acknowledge the Thought, but Don’t Let It Take the Driver’s Seat
   When an intrusive thought pops up, don’t try to fight it. Just notice it, like you’re observing a squirrel running across your backyard. "Oh, that’s an interesting thought, but nope, not today, little squirrel." The key is not engaging with it too much. Thoughts are just thoughts—they’re not facts.

2. Try Grounding Techniques to Keep Your Feet on the Ground
   When your mind is racing, try some grounding techniques to bring you back to the present moment. Breathe deeply, look around and name five things you can see, or even hold onto something solid like a coffee mug (because let’s be real, you’re probably already holding one). It’s like giving your mind a mini time-out, which, as we all know, can be very much needed.

3. Ask Yourself: Is This Thought Really Realistic, or Just a Mom Panic Attack?
   Sometimes we let our minds run wild with worst-case scenarios. So when that thought pops up, take a deep breath and ask yourself: “How likely is this really going to happen?” More often than not, you’ll realize the answer is “not very likely at all.” Give yourself permission to laugh at how dramatic your brain can be sometimes.

4. Be Kind to Yourself—Seriously, Cut Yourself Some Slack
   Moms, we’re really good at being our own harshest critics. But you deserve to treat yourself with the same kindness you would show a friend. So when you’re feeling like you’re failing, take a step back and remind yourself: “I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.”

5. Take a Social Media Break (It’s Like a Digital Detox for Your Brain)
   Let’s be honest: scrolling through social media can make the comparison monster rear its ugly head. If you find that looking at other people’s perfect parenting moments is adding to your anxiety, it’s okay to step away. Your journey is unique, and comparing it to someone else’s highlight reel is like comparing apples to oranges—or more like comparing apples to unicorns, honestly. It's just not fair to yourself.

6. Ask for Help—Seriously, You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
   It’s easy to think we have to handle everything ourselves, but that’s a myth! Whether it’s talking to a friend, joining a mom group, or reaching out for professional help, don’t hesitate to ask for support. Sometimes just saying, “I’m struggling,” can be a huge relief. You’re not alone in this.

But you deserve to treat yourself with the same kindness you would show a friend.

Conclusion: It May Feel Like It But You Are Not the Only One

Intrusive thoughts are something every mom deals with at some point - some of us more often than others. But they don’t have to take over your life. With some mindfulness and self-compassion, you can start to manage them and regain control of your peace of mind.

Remember, your worries are just that—worries. They don’t define you as a parent. You’re not perfect, and neither is anyone else. You are seen, you are heard, and most importantly, you are not the only one navigating this mom life. Solidarity, mama.