Is It Just Me? When You Love Your Kids But Don’t Love Pretend Play
Let’s just say it: some of us would rather do literally anything else than sit on the living room floor and pretend to be a unicorn vet.
And yet, here we are—pouring cereal, tying shoes, doing the thing. Because we do love our kids. Fiercely. Endlessly. But when it comes to pretend play? That’s a whole different story.
If you’ve ever felt guilty for not loving Barbies or secretly hoping someone else volunteers for another round of hide and seek, this post is for you.
Spoiler alert: You’re not alone. And you’re not a bad mom.
You’re Not a Bad Mom—You’re a Human Mom
Somewhere along the way, the bar for being a "good mom" got tied to how available we are to our kids 24/7.
Instagram and Pinterest have filled our feeds with images of elaborate play setups, moms who seem to love finger painting, and color-coordinated sensory bins. And while that might be fun for some—it doesn’t mean that’s the standard. Or the goal.
Let’s break the myth: You can love your kids deeply and find playtime exhausting, boring, or even overstimulating.
Pretend play often requires mental energy we simply don’t have. And that’s not a failure—it’s a signal. One worth listening to.
Why Play Feels So Hard
Here’s what no one tells you before you become a parent: playing can be really hard as an adult. Especially when your brain is juggling 300 open tabs like:
What’s for dinner?
Did I respond to that email?
Was that bump on her leg there yesterday?
Add in the mental load of motherhood, and it makes sense that pretend play feels like one more task to “perform.”
And let’s be real—most adult brains are wired for productivity, not pretending to be a baby dragon for 45 minutes.
If you have ADHD, anxiety, trauma, or CPTSD, play can feel especially taxing. Many moms in EMDR therapy report feeling overstimulated by the noise, unpredictability, or repetitiveness of certain play. It’s not laziness—it’s your nervous system trying to cope.
This is something I often explore in EMDR therapy for moms—how our own childhood experiences (or lack of play) impact how we show up now.
Play Isn’t the Only Way to Connect
One of the most freeing realizations in therapy is this: Play is not the only way to bond.
Yes, play is important for kids—but that doesn’t mean every second has to look like a scene from Peppa Pig.
Here are other ways to foster connection:
Reading together (even if it’s the same book 47 times)
Cooking or baking (kids love helping—even if it means more mess)
Nature walks or treasure hunts
Dance parties to your favorite songs
Snuggling on the couch with zero agenda
These moments matter. They count. And they often feel less draining than pretend play. In EMDR intensives, I often help moms reframe what successful parenting looks like—less about Pinterest perfection, more about presence.
Your child doesn’t need a full-time playmate. They need a safe, loving, emotionally attuned parent. And that’s you, even if you skip the LEGO tower.
If You Want to Play More (But Still Dread It)
Some moms come into therapy saying: "I want to enjoy play more, but it just feels impossible." That makes total sense—especially if your brain is running on fumes.
Here are a few tips I share with moms in EMDR therapy for burnout and emotional overwhelm:
1. Set a timer.
Give yourself a start and end time. "I’ll play for 10 minutes" feels manageable—and honors your capacity.2. Be honest.
Let your child know you’re trying. “I love being with you, but my brain doesn’t love pretend play. Let’s find something we both like.”3. Choose your moment.
After a cup of coffee, not after a long day. Choose the time of day when your energy isn’t completely depleted.4. Let them lead.
Instead of scripting the play, let your child set the scene. You’re less likely to feel frustrated when you’re not overthinking the storyline.5. Mix in sensory tools.
If you feel easily overwhelmed, things like kinetic sand, water play, or painting outdoors can make play feel more grounded.This is the kind of work we often do in EMDR intensives for moms—unpacking why certain things feel hard, and creating strategies that honor your nervous system.
Let’s Talk About the Guilt
Oh, the guilt. The silent soundtrack of motherhood.
You feel bad for not wanting to play, then bad for feeling bad, and the cycle continues.
Here’s the truth: guilt is often a signal that something matters to us. But it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
You care. That’s why it hurts.
In EMDR therapy for moms, we often explore the deeper narratives beneath guilt: "Am I enough? Am I ruining their childhood?"
But here’s what I want you to know:
You are enough.
You are not ruining anything.
Your presence—imperfect and all—is powerful.
And if the guilt feels overwhelming or constant, that’s something worth exploring with a trusted therapist. Especially one who gets the invisible mental load you’re carrying every single day.
So, Is It Just You?
Not even close.
So many moms—especially those navigating trauma, burnout, or perfectionism—struggle with this exact thing. They just don’t always say it out loud.
You’re allowed to parent in a way that honors your nervous system. You’re allowed to say no to pretend play and yes to presence. You’re allowed to be the kind of mom your child needs without being everything, all the time.
Whether through EMDR therapy, intensives, or just one compassionate conversation at a time—you can build a version of motherhood that’s more attuned, more grounded, and way less guilt-ridden.
Ready to Explore This More Deeply?
If you’re a mom in Ohio who’s been feeling overstimulated, burned out, or like you’re “failing” at parts of motherhood, therapy can help.
At Abbie Ames Counseling, I specialize in:
EMDR therapy for moms navigating trauma, overwhelm, or anxiety
EMDR intensives in Ohio for women who need deeper healing in less time
Therapy for overwhelmed moms who want to show up more fully—for themselves and their families
You don’t have to carry this alone. And you definitely don’t have to play pretend to prove you’re a good mom.
Curious how EMDR therapy might help you create a version of motherhood that works for you? I’d love to connect. Reach out if you’re ready to explore what support could look like—whether that’s traditional EMDR sessions or a focused EMDR intensive.
You deserve support that meets you where you are.
